Humor

One day a group of Darwinian scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one Darwinian to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The Darwinian walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."

 

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the Darwinian was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making contest." To which the Darwinian happily agreed.

 

God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."

 

The Darwinian said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

 

God looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!!!!"

 

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Heaven’s Surprise

 

I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven’s door,

Not by the beauty of it all, nor the lights or its decor.

 

But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp­

The thieves, the liars, the sinners, the alcoholics and the trash.

 

There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch money twice.

Next to him was my old neighbor who never said anything nice.

 

Herb, who I always thought was rotting away in hell,

Was sitting pretty on cloud nine, looking incredibly well.

 

I nudged Jesus, ‘What’s the deal? I would love to hear your take.

How’d all these sinners get up here? God must’ve made a mistake.

 

And why’s everyone so quiet, so somber ­ give me a clue.’

‘Child,’ He said, ‘they’re all in shock. They never thought they’d be seeing you!’

 

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If you are a charismatic and you can't appreciate the picture then you haven't received the gift of humor yet.

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[Q] - Why did God create man before woman?

[A] - He didn't want any advice!

 

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A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture. When the son returned, he said, "Papa, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity."

"Oy vey," said the father, "What have I done!"

 

He took his problem to his best friend. "Ike," he said, "I sent my son to Israel, and he came home a Christian. What can I do?"

 

"Funny you should ask," said Ike. "I, too, sent my son to Israel, and he also came home a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the Rabbi." They explained their problem to the Rabbi.

 

"Funny you should ask," said the rabbi. "I, too sent my son to Israel, and he also came home a Christian. What is happening to our young people?" They prayed, telling the Lord about their sons.

 

As they finished their prayer, a voice came from the heavens: "Funny you should ask," said the voice, "I, too, sent my son to Israel..."